• OC Mike Pouncey signs contract extension OC Mike Pouncey signs contract extension Reports say the deal is a 5 year deal worth 44.75 million with 22 million guaranteed
  • Fins bring WR Crabtree in for visit Fins bring WR Crabtree in for visit Team also looking to visit with Greg Jennings
  • TE Clay signs with the Bills TE Clay signs with the Bills A 5 year deal worth $38 million with $20 million guaranteed...Fins declined to match
  • WR Wallace traded to the Vikings WR Wallace traded to the Vikings Fins send Wallace and a 7th round pick to Viks for a 5th rounder

     

Wanted: Offensive Linemen

Do people say “You make a better door than a window?”
Do you always seem to be in everybody’s way?
Are you FAT?!

If so, the Miami Dolphins want YOU!!!!

As most fans can attest to, the Miami Dolphins offensive line has been BAD! HISTORICALLY BAD!

If you are strong enough to keep a 300lb man from throwing you aside like a rag doll OR
fat enough that, if you fall on the ground, people will trip over your FAT ASS then you may have a future with the Miami Dolphins!

Job Requirements:

–Must look good in pastel blue
–Be able to stop other fat guys from getting 5 yards upfield in less than 3 seconds.
–Able to take the ‘offensive’ out of “Offensive Line”
–Charasmatic enough to convince management, which is stubborn or stupid enough to not realize, that workplace change is a GOOD thing

Average work week: 4 hours
Compensation: small since the Dolphins don’t place too much importance on having high quality candidates.

Those wishing to apply should contact Joe Philbin or Mike Sherman c/o Dolphins HQ.Resumenot needed since past failures have little impact on your future employment.

*******Inspired bythe Cleveland Browns fan that posted a Craigslistadfor a QB, I bring you a Miami Job Opening***********

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
Wanted: Offensive Linemen, 4.2 out of 5 based on 5 ratings
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Matthew Stevens

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