• Dolphins lose in preseason to Bears Dolphins lose in preseason to Bears Miami's starters looked great, but the backups dropped to the Bears, 27-10
  • Parker's return still uncertain Parker's return still uncertain WR Devante Parker is not sure if he will be ready for the season opener
  • Suh dominates in scrimmage Suh dominates in scrimmage DT Suh had a sack and two tackles for a loss in the Fins intersquad scrimmage
  • QB Ryan Tannehill signs extension QB Ryan Tannehill signs extension Tannehill signs 6 year $96 mil extension!

     

Wanted: Offensive Linemen

Do people say “You make a better door than a window?”
Do you always seem to be in everybody’s way?
Are you FAT?!

If so, the Miami Dolphins want YOU!!!!

As most fans can attest to, the Miami Dolphins offensive line has been BAD! HISTORICALLY BAD!

If you are strong enough to keep a 300lb man from throwing you aside like a rag doll OR
fat enough that, if you fall on the ground, people will trip over your FAT ASS then you may have a future with the Miami Dolphins!

Job Requirements:

–Must look good in pastel blue
–Be able to stop other fat guys from getting 5 yards upfield in less than 3 seconds.
–Able to take the ‘offensive’ out of “Offensive Line”
–Charasmatic enough to convince management, which is stubborn or stupid enough to not realize, that workplace change is a GOOD thing

Average work week: 4 hours
Compensation: small since the Dolphins don’t place too much importance on having high quality candidates.

Those wishing to apply should contact Joe Philbin or Mike Sherman c/o Dolphins HQ.Resumenot needed since past failures have little impact on your future employment.

*******Inspired bythe Cleveland Browns fan that posted a Craigslistadfor a QB, I bring you a Miami Job Opening***********

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 4.2/5 (5 votes cast)
Wanted: Offensive Linemen, 4.2 out of 5 based on 5 ratings
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Matthew Stevens

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